Monday, May 05, 2008

Worrying about old Age

Yeah, the puzzling thing is im yet to hit 18, why am i worrying about growing old?
Growing old is a beautiful thing, is part and parcel of life, it is a process that God has given everyone on the earth.

Sadly though, people age differently. Some age gracefully, with their faces free of free running "train lines" and with faces as if they've just stepped out of a plastic surgeon clinic. For my grandparents though, they seemed to be plagued with illnesses. Cycles and cycles of haunting evils that attack there once healthy and strong bodies and reduce them to skin and bones.

God is a God of humour indeed. My paternal grandma who recently got a stroke and lose the use of her legs for now got better enough to be transferred to the Ang Mo Kio hospital-- a stone's throw away from my house but my maternal grandpa was warded into Tan TOck Seng hospital instead.

Mum went to see grandma in the hospital this morning and she came back lamenting to me that grandma kept asking about me. Funny thing was she didnt ask about my sis... Later in the afternoon, when i visited grandpa at TTSH, my heart ache at seeing the strong man that used to be so fit. THe GOng GOng that i once used to play with, the one who always let me touch his biceps, reducing to almost a child size...

Mum said that he had lost his appetite recently, but when we arrived, he was tucking into his bowl of mee kia. He even managed to finish the bowl of mee kia, that's quite a feat if you compare that to him eating only 2 spoonfuls of rice at other times! HMM, i must have given him the appetite! When he saw me, tears seemed to form within his hollow eyes, i say hollow because his eyes has sunken in due to the tremendous weight loss. I asked Grandpa if he was crying, but of cos he defended and said no.

For that brief half hour visit, i kept touching GOng GOng. I know sick people like the human touch, the touch of humanity, the unsaid bond that amazing flows from a healthy being to a sick one. Most importantly, THE LOVE that carries along that moment of contact. I never seen grandpa for months, and i know he misses me. Yet, i kept putting off visiting my grandparents house.

I asked mum why he cried, she says im the closest to him since he babysitted me, bathe, took me for walks, pat me to sleep at 3am in the night during my first year of my life. Even though that period of time is forgotten in my small baby memory, GONG GONG still have those memories with him... I asked mum since he misses me then why dun he talk more to me in the hospital, mum said that just my presence made his day and sometimes there are things which words cannot replace... oh gosh, im wondering how he is right now in the hospital...

Im not gonna waste the time in my life anymore, while my grandparents are alive and well, with their hearts beating and with their bodies stilll warm, i wanna feel that body temperature. It will be too late if one day there bodies become just an empty shell and with a temperature that is colder than the rainy days. So tomorrow and the days coming, no matter how busy i may be, i will try to visit them.

Why must old age rob people of their vitality? I wanna be Peter Pan, the boy who never grows up...

No comments: